Compensating for low self esteem

From OUT OF THE NIGHT # 5

Whether it's a business man, a construction vorker, a banker, or a baseball player, men is alvays exaggerating  about ze size of zere manhoods!  Zat, unfortunately, alzo applies to ze Undead! Anyzing to make zemselves feel more important zan zey really are! Please! Who are you trying to fool, us, or yourself?! 

Yeesh! Creepy Schmut!

What's big and green and in your daughter's face?

(Originally appearing in THE SUN /UK 2003)

SHOCKED six-year-old Leah Lowland checked out a mystery bulge on her Incredible Hulk doll — and uncovered a giant green WILLY.

Curious Leah noticed a lump after winning the monster, catchphrase “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry,” at a seaside fair.

And when she peeled off the green comic-book character’s ripped purple shorts, she found the two-inch manhood beneath them.

Horrified Leah immediately ran to mum Kim and reported the find. And last night Kim called for a ban on the saucy toy. She said: “A hulk with a bulk like this just shouldn’t be allowed.

“Considering the doll is only 12-inches tall it’s amazing how big his willy is."

__________________________________

See? I've been trying to tell you all how Comic Books are Corrupting our young peoples! Vhy von't anybody listen to me? Yeesh! First of all, little girls should not have to look at a big lumpy penis until their Vedding Nights! Even then der lights should be off, und a doctors mask und gloves should be utilized!

 I haff no doubt zis poor, innocent but seducted little girl got corrupted from reading ze comic books, und zat is vhy she felt ze naughty compulsion to remove ze Hulky trousers und peek at ze lumpy manhood...er, I mean Hulkhood...Ach! I mean, ze Hulk should schtop schticking his big green penis in little girls faces! 

Naughty Schmut!

"You vouldn't like me vhen I'm Horny!" SCHMUT!!

Hulk has a package for you

From MARVEL COMICS INDEX #7A (with detail)

Vhat's green und purple und should NOT be visible on ze comic book cover?

Ze Incredible Hulk's incredibly obvious Penis und Testicles! Ach Du Lieber! "Hulk smash! Hulk getting angry! Now Hulk horny! Hulk getting kind of excited! Hulk want to show you his etchings!" 

 Yipes!  Gamma Radiated SCHMUT!!

What's long and hard

From SUBMARINER #1

Tsk tsk! Here ve have ze young boy und an adult male, in zis case, a Pedophiliac Schubmariner! Little boy, schtop playing mit der Manholes! Nein! Zey are NOT for messing vith! Didn't you hear ze old adage, "Curiosity got ze boy schtupped"?! Ach! At ze very least, it looks like you are going to get Spanked! Now, ve see  zis curious boy enters ze manhole (Yeesh!) und schtands in front of der Schubmariner, pointing at his manhood, saying, "I came down to see what one of these things was like!" Yeesh! It's like yours, only bigger und hairier! Now run away home! Didn't you ever hear ze other old adage, "Vhat's long, und hard, und filled mit seamen? Jah, ze Schubmariner!" SCHMUT!!